Friday, 24 June 2016

In a recent conversation with one of my friends I found myself saying in the few years I've been married I'm starting to see that there are fundamental things that's will make or break your relash! Do not get me wrong there are a shed load of things that people might decide to end relationships for but these 4 I think are things that you need to have down pat if you stand a chance and wading the waters. I think that the sooner you agree on these 4 things, the easier navigating your relationship will be which will lead to overall satisfaction (read: less arguments)!

#1 Money

How much do you earn? What are your spending habits? Will you follow a budget? Save individually or together?  If someone makes more money do they have to contribute more? Who controls how money is spent? How much debt can we take on? Relationships are made or broken on the answers to these and many other financial questions. Not discussing money until it's too late can seriously harm your relationship because everyone views money differently and if you're going to build any sort of useful and progressive future together it's important to know your partner's view on money! I've heard stories about people have only found out once they were trying to buy a house that their partner had a shit tonne of debt so wouldn't be approved for a mortgage! Or another horror story where a couple were putting money into a joint account and one of there partners was using it for personal use because they thought it was just a fund. So, be clear about financial goals.

#2 Who you have sex with 

This one might seem obvious but it's not and its assuming that you're on the same page that sets you up for the fall! You need to define this from the very beginning because let's be honest; sex matters! I listened to an interview of Dan Savage and he said that (I'm paraphrasing) agreeing with your partner who you are allowed to have sex with will save you a lot of heart ache and I completely agree. We need to be honest and acknowledge that the shape of relationships are changing and sisterwives/brother equivalents are becoming increasingly common. That said, no one should find out though the grapevine about the existence of these counterparts. So, from the beginning agree whether you're in an open/monogamous/swinging/some variation of something relationship to avoid the turmoil this can bring into your relationship- but everyone has to agree!

#3 Household duties

Like I said in this post-  there really are no traditional roles in relationships anymore so assuming that set gender  roles will apply in your relationship isn't the right way to go. You need to agree right off the bat who is in charge of cleaning, cooking, gardening, shopping etc because this will help avoid daily fights and frustrations. Let's be honest there's nothing as annoying as constantly cleaning, cooking, cleaning etc while someone else just lazes around waiting for you to pick up after them. When we first moved in together we used to have random arguments for no real reason (you know the ones) until eventually it would be revealed that the cause was chores! We really could've avoided these by simply saying 'hey you're good at cooking and I hate it so I'll cook and you load and run the dish washer - deal?' Deal. 

#4 Kids

I'm an avid believer in the school of thought that having kids is a life changing decision and as such should not be taken lightly! If you are a regular to the blog you will know my stance on marriage and kids (read the post here) so I won't go there. That said,  think it's really important to agree on if you want kids, when you want to have them, how many and how you plan to bring to bring them up. I don't mean like you need to have an 8 step process mapped out but you at least want to have agreed the fundamentals because whilst having kids is a blessing without adequate planning it could turn out to be a stressor on your relationship! 

Ultimately, I think all 4 items I've listed are intertwined because if you set your financial goals you can then have enough money to bring up children when you are ready and similarly agreeing about household duties means you know who will do what when the kids arrive! And finally, the kids will come about because you've handled your sex talk! Simples.

As always, please leave me a comment! I love hearing what other people think!
Have an awesome weekend!

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