Monday, 26 September 2016

I had originally planned to post this last Monday but my sister in law was visiting us on the weekend and we didn't get to bed until about 2am on the Saturday which meant a 11am wake up on Sunday and it was just bumville from there. I had people remind me that I promised to post at least once a week which put me to shame so I absolutely had to do better this week (lol)!

A few weeks ago I found myself sitting with some colleagues (read: I normally don't interact with them) and 3/4 of us were turning 30 next year and the conversation turned into how we don't actually feel old but when were was younger we thought 30 was really old! More than that. we all more or less felt like we would have it all figured out by the time we turned 30 and lo and behold...turns out we were wrong.The conversation turned to expectations we had about having kids, getting married, careers and how the choices we've made this far have affected our lives. It was one of those not so deep (but so deep) conversations you have that you replay to yourself later (and consequently write a blog post about). I was just glad that I wasn't the only one who felt like I didn't have a  solid 5 year plan.

I don't know if I'm starting to feel existential because I'm almost the age that 21 year old me said I would have my shxt together by or because I'm genuinely going through a 1/4 life crisis but lately I just find myself thinking that surely life can't be just this series of getting to the next milestones (and paying bills along the way). There must be more! I grew up in a home where my parents encouraged us to be and to do anything we wanted - so I grew up really confident and I had a rough schematic of the kind of life I wanted and the older I get the more fearful I am that I might not be living out the dream. I'm by no means doing badly in life (not by a long shot); I have a career that allows me to have a comfortable life but still I can't help but think about the formula of life that society, friends, family, school etc instills us as we grow up and how realistic it is to achieve. 

We are all brought up to believe the future is somewhat predictable and if  we stayed on the path then certain milestones should happen and if you follow this trajectory you will for sure be successful in life. The reality doesn't always pan out that way. I think a lot of people, given the chance, would say fxck it and just go about life their own path but fear of being criticized by 'the system' for not adhering to the formula is what stops a lot of us from branching onto the less traveled route. When you give it a lot of thought it's plain silly that everyone should be raised on one life formula or another
Life formula: Go to school>>get good grades>>graduate>>get a job>>get married>>have kids>>live your best life(LYBL)
when the reality of our lives is more like;
Life A: Go to school>> get good grades>> graduate>> get a job >> LYBL
Life B: go to school>> graduate>> get a job>> get married >> have kids >> LYBL
Life C: get a job >> L some of YBL >> have kids >> get married >> get divorced >>LYBL
Life D: go to school >> get married>>have kids >> live your best life >>go to school >> get a job
Life E: build an app>>make shed loads of money>>LYBL
Life F: get married>>have kids>>go to school>>LYBL
The combinations are endless - you get the point!!

I think we all just need to stop putting pressure on ourselves to live out the perfect life formula because I don't think it actually attainable. We just need to accept that a slight change in choice/action/circumstance can completely alter your life outcomes and thats part of the game called life! The reality of life is that there is no formula even though when you're growing up you really think you have it all mapped out. As I said in this post, my teenage plan involved having a child by the time I was 18, being an investment analyst (I had no idea what they even did but I knew they made money which really is a silly reason to pick a career) and then working to rack up the money so my child and I could live happily ever after and travel the world together as best friends. My 29 year old reality is that I've learned I may not ever want to have kids because I enjoy the current state of my life and I'm married (which was never an important factor for my 18 year old self). I also don't have a shed load of money but I'm doing okay with my plans to travel the globe.

Please comment below and let me know if you have any thoughts! Have a super-cala-fragilistic-expialidocious week!! :) 

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